Twenty-five and Burned

Purpose doesn’t go to work; it goes to love. 

I turn 25 this year. Still young, only halfway through my twenties. Somehow I’ve managed to jam a whole lot of life in a few short years, making my twenties feel incredibly longer than they have been. It leaves me feeling burned out. Doubtful. Questioning. Exhausted.

I woke up at 4 AM today to feed my youngest, and I laid in bed unable to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I was ticking through my list of worries and concerns, wondering how I could manage to see the new day as a new opportunity. I began lifting up these weights to a compassionate God, and I changed. Instead of praying for more of anything, I realized my limitations I was putting on Jesus. If You want to, could you do this? If You think it’s okay, could we have more of this? If. 

I don’t know how to adequately explain this. This isn’t the prosperity gospel, where I preach that if we only ask for richness, God will grant it to us. No, no…if we only know how rich we already are, it shifts our gaze away from wanting more of anything. If we only see how much our purpose is dripping with grace and the true gospel, we don’t fall into a catacomb of doubt. If we only see the cross and what it really means, why should I pray for more of anything, ever?

Purpose doesn’t go to work; it goes to love. God wants us to live on purpose–wholeheartedly with focused intention–no matter where we are. Living on purpose doesn’t mean having your dream job; it means being all there right where you are. Take every opportunity to be a light for Him. This is not to say that you can’t or shouldn’t take the leap to pursue another job, but many times there is opportunity to live on purpose right in front of us. God wants to do extraordinary things through our surrendered hearts and hands.   [Make It Happen by Lara Casey]

I thought about my resume recently and how lame it has become. I haven’t worked outside the home for a while now, and what experience I do have is quickly becoming outdated. Those thoughts, they were like a black hole of insecurity.

Laying in bed at 4 AM, I turned my prayers into surrenders and beliefs. Who I am and who I am not is not dependent on the work I do. Being 25 and a woman doesn’t limit me. Being a mom doesn’t keep me from purpose. Laying in bed at 4 AM to feed a baby doesn’t inhibit my possibility. 

I am defined and sculpted by the work of my King. What He has done for me is all that needs to be done to give me intention. I feel my morality when I think of my age (which I know is young), but it is hitting me sooner:  I don’t have all the time in the world, so how could I spend it sending up prayers for more money or time or better this or that? I have the richness of grace and love, and I am seen by my Creator. Purpose will come to me. The calling will be great. There is no limit to what is to come. 

Twenty-five and burned. That’s how it feels some days. But my purpose…burned into my soul, driving me heavenward. That has Christ written all over it. 

Published by Janelle Delagrange

Wife to a graphic designer, mom to three young boys, and writer of the soul.

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