The Chaos of Being Loved

Wake up. Poor coffee. Sit in the chair at the head of the table and overlook the kids and their tablets, my chaos and my loves. We move through the motions of attendance, zoom calls, schoolwork, repeat. Weeks of chaos brought a consistency and routine that is chaotic from the outside but rhythmic for me.Continue reading “The Chaos of Being Loved”

First Day, Tired Eyes

I’m never going to sleep again. It always felt that way. The next day, the first day, was always a day heavy with tired eyes because I never slept well the night before. When I started having kids, I rarely thought about the first day of school because it was far enough away that IContinue reading “First Day, Tired Eyes”

The Fresh Pain of Change

Given what time does to us, it is remarkable we forget what we do. The pains of childbirth, the aches of running when we are not runners, the strain of pressure we thought we could handle but recognize far too late is not our cup of tea. Again. And again. Our minds recoil and snapContinue reading “The Fresh Pain of Change”

The Call of This Wild

Day after day I decide my approach, my knack, my fear. I give pleasantries to my worries and anxieties and head out the door for another day, another time, another downtrodden walk toward what feels monotonous and obtuse all at once. There is much to be frustrated, angry, bitter about. There is much that makesContinue reading “The Call of This Wild”

Quarantine Diary: The Fear

So here’s the thing. We’re all afraid of something. A pandemic is revealing. And whether you like it or not, I think our fears reveal a lot about ourselves. Like, for instance, the fear of a virus. Or the fear of dying. The fear of isolation. Naming our fear takes guts and humility. More fears?Continue reading “Quarantine Diary: The Fear”

Quarantine Diary: Love Letters

Sometimes it’s the simplest words that say it best, you know? I remember when Evan and I were preparing to get married, we agreed that we wanted to write our own vows. It’s no surprise to anyone that we’d do something like that. I had been writing letters to him for the two years leadingContinue reading “Quarantine Diary: Love Letters”