Not I

I used to open the phone book and find the phone number to a dance studio. I dreamed of being a ballerina, or a jazz dancer, or something, since it was what all of the girls I knew did. I’d find that number, nearly memorize it, and think over and over on whether I really wanted to sign up for dance.

In the end I chose soccer. A far cry from dance, right? I played for a few years, and I loved it most of the time. I was never an aggressive player. I remember during most games parents would yell, “Be aggressive!” as though the game depended on it. Sometimes it did. But I didn’t like it much. I carry that attitude into my life all the time. I don’t aggressively go after dreams. I don’t aggressively chat with people. I don’t aggressively eat (although, depends on my hunger and hangry status). The last way I would describe myself is aggressive.

It’s why I didn’t score much, if at all, as a soccer player. In middle school, I was almost always a left midfielder. The person who got the ball to the forward so they could score. The person who kicked the ball across the goal so another player could shine. Aggressive only when need be. Hardly ever the person to be in the spotlight. I think I scored maybe a handful of goals in my whole soccer career.

There are some people who were born to be in the spotlight. Whose words seem to permeate boundaries and stereotypes and really hit to the core. I never envisioned that for me. Being the assistant to others is something I love, something I am truly good at. Organization is a forte of mine. Making the behind-the-scenes shine. I am good at that. I know I am good at that.

A few weeks ago I spent some time teaching some 7th & 8th graders about how the body of Christ is not made of people with all the same talents. We all have different spiritual gifts, we all have different roles just as our body parts have different uses to make us whole. We’re not all good at the same things. But together, the church is a great vessel that moves, breathes, and can permeate boundaries and stereotypes.Without all of its units, it doesn’t work to its greatest potential.

Sometimes that isn’t easy for me to agree with. Sometimes I wish I was better at things that other women excel at. Heck, sometimes I just wish I was funnier, wittier, prettier, or cooler. But, I don’t know that those are quite the spiritual gifts God admires.

If at the end of the day the Kingdom is furthered because the only thing I have accomplished is letting another woman do better what I cannot do as well, God would say, “Well done.”

It isn’t that I’m afraid. It isn’t even that I didn’t do anything. It is in me to let other women do what they do best. It is how He created me, to champion women. It is how He made me to make the behind-the-scenes flawless so the forefront is right in His glory.

If at the end of the day He is glorified, then it is a good day. If at the end of the day the people say of me, “Yes, Jesus is good! He is to be praised!” then it is a good day.

Not I but Christ.

Not me, Jesus. Just You. Always You.

Published by Janelle Delagrange

Wife to a graphic designer, mom to three young boys, and writer of the soul.

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