So, it’s been a while, yeah? Let’s get right to it.
My due date for our sweet third baby is only 25 days away. I have been preparing for weeks; all that we need is the baby! The greatest thing has been having Evan here to help with everything (really, everything). There’s this annoying voice in my head that keeps whispering, “You should be able to handle two boys under the age of three while being 36.5 weeks pregnant. Come on.” But reality? I am exhausted, and I hurt. Baby is low, and I am feeling every tiny movement he makes. So to that annoying, lying voice: I am handling it. With the help of a great husband.
The past few weeks have also been bumpy and rough business-wise. Although, I don’t think this path really lets up and gives us a break, at least not for a while. The past couple of days we have prayed more than ever, and I am grateful for it. I am grateful for this challenge, this mountainous situation we are in, and how good it is when we are leaning and leaning and leaning into Jesus so constantly. I read about the ebenezer in 1 Samuel this morning and realized, yes! This is our moment to pick up a stone and declare it an ebenezer, for the Lord has carried us this far. Small business-ing is hard. Living and working in a small home is hard. Being poor is hard. But being near to the Lord…so good. So worth the difficulty.
It feels like the same thing all the time, though. There’s this part of me that wishes that something drastic would happen in the business, some dynamic shift in success, or maybe at least something new. It stretches my patience when it doesn’t change. Or even when it gets difficult to remain steadfast in the promises God gave. My faith feels like it just isn’t enough. But, it could be infinitely worse. Although I hope for growth, I’m reminded that at least we aren’t falling backwards. The Lord has carried us this far, and He has kept his promise. I feel like a broken record saying “He provides!” but I just can’t say it enough. It is easy and simple to say that He provides when the risk of there being nothing in your bank account isn’t there. Or it’s easy to say He will come through when we aren’t risking everything to follow His call. In the middle of crazy, risky, unknown days, He provides. In the moment when we’re standing in the dark, waiting. The moment when everything really could fall to pieces without His help. He provides.
I’ve gotten bolder in my prayers over the months. Rather than pleading for hope, I’m resting in it. Rather than wishing for success, hoping for rest, or begging for a glimpse into this insane life, I’m believing Him. He told us He will provide. He told us this is the way. So I pray instead that we would believe Him: believe in the success He has planned, believe in the perfection of His timing, believe in the rest that can be had even in our chaos. He is my confidence. I praise Him everyday for remaining steadfast in me, sure in His promises, and faithful in His timing.
Rather than hoping or waiting for the “perfect time”, we’re taking this moment and declaring it the Lord’s. We’re making things happen because God doesn’t plant dreams and visions so we can only daydream. We are poor and needy, but we have everything we need in the Lord. Sometimes I am beyond tired and my faith feels like it’s too thin, but the Lord has carried us this far. He isn’t going to drop us or forget.
I won’t be blogging much in the near future, but I hope that I can return refreshed after some crazy changes to come. Maybe business will be different, maybe God will change everything. And maybe He won’t. It doesn’t matter, considering He is always the same. Pray for us in the days to come. And pray in confidence, too, for your own life. Be bold. Believe in the truth you know and rest in it. He’s carried you this far, friend. What makes you think He won’t continue?