My boys. My sweet, silly boys. I can’t believe that you’ll both be big brothers within the next couple of weeks, that you’ll be required to grow up even more as our family changes. I feel bad about that some days, that at such a young age, I’ll already require so much of you. But know that I can’t do it without you. Your helpful hands and silly antics remind me of my deepest need: I don’t have to be alone & the joy of your help is real & desired.
I wish you could understand just how much I like you boys. Or maybe just how much I appreciate you. We spend all day, everyday laughing and learning together. You forgive me when I get too angry, and your hugs cure me of my feelings of inadequacy when the storms are raging. You are physical reminders of the Lord and His love, something I hope you can understand as your mind grows and heart yearns. My hopes for you are higher than I can see because honestly, I know you are both capable of moving mountains in life.
I’m wishing today (surprisingly) that I had just a little bit more time to soak in my boys at this age and to love them even deeper. My life for the past three years has been pregnancy, newborn, baby and toddler. It’s hard in this stage to see past the constant needs these boys present. I saw a photo yesterday of some teenagers and felt some prompting in my heart: These teenage boys were once little babies, once toddlers, and once needed their mom or dad for everything. And although this stage seems to last forever, it doesn’t. Being consumed with the thoughts of potty training, breastfeeding, or feeding schedules is a mistake I’ve made time and time again. I forget that my boys will be teenagers, who will then become men. I forget the eternal value of feeding their needs because I’m exhausted from feeding their needs.
I can’t discount this time in their life and the importance of the foundation we build for them. It does set the course for so many things in life. And although part of me wishes that I could focus forever on their sweet, unrelenting love, their constant joy, and their simple motives, there is so much to come. There is more to their life than the current persistent needs they have.
Sweet boys. Thank you for being crazy and loud. Thank you for loving unconditionally. I wouldn’t choose any other boys to be big brothers to this new baby that is coming soon. He gets to learn an abundance from you, and I know you’ll teach him well. I love you always, Liam & Asa.