It’s been a while since I’ve written. It’s been a while since I have looked life in the face and considered where to begin when it comes to sharing with you all. Being a writer is weird at times. There is never a moment when I’m not considering my written word.
Compelled. Convicted. Humbled.
If I could put a word to this season, maybe one of those would be it, but even they do not seem encompassing enough. It’s all about seasons, trials, discomforts, convictions, etc. in this blogging/social media world, that sometimes I miss the mark. I aim for vulnerability and only get the pretty version of it, not the raw one. The one that hurts. The one that hits the nail on the proverbial head.
Bear with me as I try to untangle heart-strings and get to the root.
This “season of our life” (or we can just call it the present) has gripped me. I have had ample time to reflect on the past year and a half of business building, family growing, loving. It’s fact to say it’s been the greatest of my life. The most joy-filled. The absolute most terrifying, but glory and grace have been furiously abundant. We have seen the face of God in our lack of faith, and it has been good. God has laughed at our worry of money and done more than we asked. We have prayed words like, “Just give us enough. Help us pay this bill. Remind us of your faithfulness. Be God, because we surely are not.” And He turns up. Everyday. Every second. Every prayer. Every day in this life renews my faith. I thought for far too long that this “season” (or, present) would only last so long before we would experience freedom and riches. I thought that my faith in God would lead us to comfort, because surely that’s what all this discomfort means, right? There will come a day of rest? We will be rich? We will have more? I’ll never worry again? But it’s not so. Oh friends, it is not so.
God has taught me patiently in this. He has been patient and persistent in my foolish thinking, and He has said this:
Prosperity is Me. I am the richest you will ever get.
And that has taken weeks and months to fully blossom in my heart.
This isn’t a “season”. This is our life. Our good and rich life. I can’t count the times I’ve voiced my anger with money. Too many times. Too often the thoughts have flooded my soul, consumed my faith, sunk my confidence in the Father. You know it, don’t you? The, “Surely this will end soon! Surely we will be floating in money and swimming in comfort! Surely you will give us all the comforts of this world!” But it doesn’t come so quickly. Or it comes, and it is fleeting. Or it never comes.
That is what our good Father has taught me. Money? Nothing to fret over, My child. It seems monumental. It seems. But do you not see? Rich in faith and love. Rich because we are loved by our Creator and taken care of.
How do I know?
Oh friend, because I live it everyday. We pray to a God who hears and sees us. Never for a moment are we alone. And I’m learning to care less and worry less about retirement savings, having money to buy a big house, having money to buy new boots, having money to have happiness because the Lord has taught me so: He is my prosperity. He is my wealth. He is my provision.
It isn’t that I never look back as we are trekking through, or that I don’t revert back to my ways of worrying. I do. I fall to my knees some days and feel like this is just too much. My faith isn’t big enough. My trust isn’t strong enough. There isn’t enough money. Some days I don’t know how to make it.
Not my ways. Not my thoughts. Not my worries.
When He is my riches, I am never poor. When He is my present, seasons stop being seasons, my vision is fixed on what is before me, not what lies ahead. I see it now.
He is the richest I will ever get.