I Have Three Kids, I’m an Expert

…Right?

I wish. More like, “I have three kids, I care less about most things.” Should I give you examples of what that looks like? Do you care? Doesn’t matter, I’m sharing.

1. I let my boys play with stupid junk, like the green stoppers they put in your Starbucks cup to keep it from spilling. Kind of gross, but they think it’s great. As long as no one is losing their eye, we are good.
2. There’s crayon everywhere, but I’m to the point where it’s like, if you’re being quiet, at least make it sort of pretty. If it’s on the wall, at least make sure it’s on the wall that already has crayon on it so I don’t have to repaint two walls. Okay? (I don’t encourage wall coloring. In case you feel like questioning my parenting.)
3. Do you need a bath? Unless you’re covered in dirt, pooped too much in your diaper and have it everywhere, or genuinely stink, you’re not getting a bath. Only exception: you’re driving me crazy, and bath time is my only way of coping.
4. Nap time? Look, lay down. If you cry, I’ll soothe you. But you gotta figure that stuff out on your own after a certain point. Play until you pass out I guess. (Different rules for the four-year-old: lay down until your annoying loud breathing in the hallway is unbearable, and I let you come sit on the couch with me, i.e. skip nap time.)
5. They watch a movie during lunch every single day. For some reason it speeds up their eating, and I don’t have to help with every single bite. Also, lunch in general is almost always the same meal. PB&J or cheese toasties. Or a smorgasbord of lunch meat, cheese, carrots, and various fruits and veggies. I ain’t got time for leftovers because EVERYBODY HATES IT.
6. If you need to cry/whine/yell/get mad at me for being a disciplinarian, then do it in your room. K.
7. Dress yourself. Sure. But for the love of all that is good, you are not wearing the same socks four days in a row. I am NOT scrubbing out your toe jam.

Anything you want to add? Have a great week!

Photo by my sister-in-law, Krista