I was telling my life group last night that the past two weeks for me have just been crazy. Where my plate once held only the duties of loving and caring for my children and doing things around my house, it is now filled to the brim with so many wonderful things. And just when I think it’s full, God lays something else in my lap.
It feels satisfying to do. To not just have simple duties (which I love), but to have more of the things that I care deeply for and feel passionately about right here in front of me, ready to pour my heart into.
I’m also scared out of my mind that I’m going to fail. Or that one day I’ll wake up, and the words won’t flow like they have been.
I won’t be able to write, I’ll fail a friend, I won’t lead in a way that honors God. Something. I’m almost scared that it’s lurking right around the corner, and this dreamy place of being right in the middle of His glory is just a big sham. A rug pulled from under my feet.
It’s worth the risk, don’t you think? The risk of being an utter failure in front of everyone. It’s worth my blushing, embarrassment, blubbering to see the Kingdom reach even farther. It’s worth the risk of landing flat on my face if someone out there learns to love Him.
I’m trying to use wisdom and discernment to take on what I can in this season of life and to be a leader where I am called. In some places, I feel like an absolute fraud. (Can I be real about doing a giveaway, for a hot second? I feel downright silly promoting that, because I’ve never done that before. But I’m doing it. Because why in the world not! The Kingdom gets furthered, somehow, someway, and the risk? Me looking dumb? I’ll take it!)
Lord, let me get to the step on this staircase to You where I can lay down my pride and joy of being praised and become invisible. I want them all to look right past me. I pray they all miss me and all see You. Let my words leave the world changed, not because I said them. But because You put them on my lips.