A couple of days ago I said this to my husband: “She is a tough act to follow.” She, being an author I look up to in a multitude of ways, who also just gave a powerhouse of a teaching about things I am also passionate about. I was about to write a post for this blog, and I was seriously considering how much better someone else would be at doing this job.
Hi, I’m Janelle. If you thought by the appearances of my family photos or the way I write sometimes that I have all the things organized and figured out, you are terribly wrong about that. Actually, like super duper wrong, in that, I feel like I’m consistently winging it. I am actually really good at winging it. Not always by choice, but I’m learning to roll with all the things when all the things get out of control. This is also known as life. (Or maybe just my life.)
Next week I’m starting something huge and also kind of small. These days leading up to Rally are tripping me up. There’s a lot of what if’s, doubts, questions, unknowns about all of it, that I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel busier than normal, and I also feel incredible irritated that I have to wait a whole 7 days for a vision God cast out to come to life.
The real trouble in this, though, is that I am not so sure that God picked the right girl for the job (aka, me). That’s where the voiced, “She is a tough act to follow” plays in. Why me? I am not enough for this assignment. I just wrote that statement down in my journal. I needed to get it out of my head, because the words are playing tricks on me.
Just this morning I started reading in Joshua. I don’t remember the last time I read the book, and now seemed like a good enough time. I’m trying to spend more time in the Old Testament, since I seem to have favored the New Testament in the past.
You know what’s in the first chapter? I just read it again, and it made me weepy because God is not one to ever make mistakes. It says:
Be strong and courageous.
Be strong and very courageous.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid.
What you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go.
Only be strong and courageous!
I had my friend make a sign for me that has Joshua 1:9 on it. It hangs over the bed of my youngest, and I want to pray it over their lives every day. And this morning, the Lord just broke me. I am one chapter in the book of Joshua, and I feel like God is writing words on a page, for the first time, just for me. Joshua, the man that had to follow up after Moses (who literally led the Isrealites out of Egypt), was reminded by God to be strong and courageous four times. Four times. And me, I’m over here like, Joshua! How are you doing this?! Moses just died, and now you’re in command. This is your time. And you didn’t hesitate. Joshua, you just listened. You just obeyed. You were just as God commanded: strong and very courageous. And your people followed you.
Guys, I’m gonna be real, I can’t wait to get to heaven and have full access to God. In this moment in my life when I’m not sure if crap will hit the fan or if I will be at peace, I imagine Him sitting at a desk like a dad does. I see Him sitting, resting His chin on His hand and looking at me with the smile of a Daddy who is anticipating His daughter figuring it out. The kindness in His eyes makes me believe beyond doubt that I can do it. Like a Daddy waiting for His daughter to answer a question she already knows the answer to.
And the answer is like a whisper, and it makes me laugh. It’s a swarm of peace. He said, When have I ever failed?
I am really excited about Rally, but I’m actually more full of anticipation for the work that God is going to do. It’s true, I don’t want to wait until next week for this to come to life, but I’m reminded that God already had this work going. It isn’t just starting. It’s been in His workings far before I was here to notice it. And for whatever reason, I’m the girl He’s picked to do a job that seems bigger than my 5’4″ frame can handle. It’s God-sized.