Playing God

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I love this kid. He is my child, through and through. He is very much an introvert, just like me. When he’s around the right people, his personality explodes, and he is the sweetest, silliest, and funniest little boy I know. He’s currently going through a phase where he’s constantly asking, “Mommy, hold you?” (which means “Mommy, hold me!”). He needs me for most things, and I love to be that for him:  his meal ticket, his hand to hold, his protector, his mommy.

One of my greatest challenges in life is yet to come:  letting go of my baby boys and letting them venture out into the world without me. I am everything to them, yet one day, I won’t be. They’ll look at some of the photographs I’ve taken of them and think, “Good grief, mom, what’s up with all these stupid selfies?” When they are so little, it is so easy to play god in their life. I clothe, feed, wipe, hold, rock, bathe…I pray for them, with them, on their behalf. I’d die in an instant if it’d mean they would live. This mom business is serious stuff. I don’t take it lightly. Sometimes I forget that although I intercede in so many areas of their life, playing God, truly, is one area I will never measure up.

Prayer is power. It is calling out straight to God, pouring out hopes, dreams, worries, fears, and believing that He hears us. Yet no matter my hopes, no matter my wishes, He will always act on my behalf in the greatest way possible. Honestly, I don’t always act on behalf of my boys in the best way. Why? Because I’m human, and I make mistakes. If I were perfect, my boys would be perfect too. Let me be the first to tell you, they surely are not (even though I don’t think they could really get any cuter, and surprise! They always do!). Prayer is power. And it’s a power from a mighty God, not from anything  (anything!) that I do on this earth.

“Only relinquish all things into My hands; for I can work freely only as you release Me by complete committal–both of yourself and others.”

I’m only great as a mother when I let my God be God to them. I can provide for them in all the earthly ways, but there does come a time when I must show them the way to the Creator. They think I’m all-powerful now. They think I’m everything in this world that is good, and that I will always show them the way (that is, until they are old enough to realize I’m actually not cool). And honestly, I wish I could be there for every second of their life to make sure they never miss a beat. But, I’m only great as a mother when I let my God be God to them. Playing god can only stunt their growth. And I know my God! How could I keep them from rooting deep and growing tall when I look back on my life and see how God has nurtured my soul?

Published by Janelle Delagrange

Wife to a graphic designer, mom to three young boys, and writer of the soul.

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