With or Without Us

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These boys are getting way too big, way too quickly.

My son Asa will be six months old in a couple of weeks. Time only seems to be going faster and faster, I can only imagine what it will be like when we have another child. I don’t document every milestone with him like I did for Liam. They say you become much more lax with your second, and it’s true. I still haven’t printed any photos of the kid. And documenting major milestones? Forget about it. I’ll just tell him, “Trust me, you developed normally.”

I don’t know if it’s a parent thing, a “getting older” thing, or not even a thing at all, but I feel weighted more often by thoughts of how God works despite anything I do. I am reminded so often. When I find Liam playing and talking in ways he wasn’t the day before. When I rock Asa to sleep and hear God prominently reminding me that this little babe will grow so big some day. When their clothes get too small. When they go through a developmental stage that drives me crazy, yet is vital to their growth. No matter what I do, these things will happen. Life will continue, always.

God moves consistently, with or without us. I get exhausted easily after a few full days with my kids, a lot of errands, and not a lot of down time. I check out mentally some days. I neglect my journal and my Bible because I just want to tune out for a bit. The effects of neglecting to consult God are draining. I disconnect from everyone around me. I take a seat away from the action and lose sight of purpose. My prayers, whenever they escape my lips, are impatient, laced with selfish thoughts and human wisdom. I forget that the God I call out to has a greater magnitude than I can comprehend. Greatest love, greatest mercy, yet I put limits on Him. He keeps moving with or without me.

Friends, I don’t want to check out. I don’t have to be perfect at being a mom, but I do need to be present. I can’t expect my boys to discover greatness if I don’t guide them a little along the way. The same goes for Jesus and me. God is a great, great God, and His wisdom and insight for me is beyond words. It cannot be explained. His love and mercy cannot be described. It’s magnitude is beyond me. Recognizing that, how He is greater than I, is one huge step into letting Him perform His full works. Let’s not limit a gracious God. Taking a seat away from it all? I want to be in the thick of His goodness, not on the outskirts, only experiencing the tiniest taste.

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