That’s me. Four babies. One in heaven, one in my belly, and two playing at my feet. Four.
Since being pregnant (aka, recently), I immediately noticed that this pregnancy would be different from all the rest. With one and then two, people are ready to jump on the bandwagon of congratulations. They share excitement with you that makes you realize that this is great! This is exciting! But with this one, this baby who will be 17 months younger than Asa who is 9 months old, it’s more like, “You do know how this happens right?” “Don’t you two do anything else?” “Did you mean for this to happen?” “Are you done after this?” “Wow that’s a lot of kids!” And I do get it, because people almost always mean well. They don’t know what else to say, they want to make light of a situation, they think it’s funny. And I’m not offended, nor is it hurtful to me. It always comes from a loving place. So hear me when I say, I am not upset. I just want to point to Jesus. Not ruffle some feathers.
I married my husband because I love him, and because I want to have children with him. Because I want to raise men like him and women who will learn to love men like him. I want to have children because I am called to make disciples. And that is a specific calling for us. Not everyone can have children, or children of their own. Not everyone gets that phone call from Jesus. But we did. I hear it loud and clear, ringing in loud bells and vibrant song. My boys joyfully live in our home, play together, giggle, and they are young. They don’t quite know the wonders or evils of this world. And although I am their mother, I am also their teacher, a spiritual advisor, a model of living in the depths of Jesus. I hear the call, and I know part of my purpose: To bring life into the world, to teach the great works of our God, and send them away to go and make disciples themselves. I know it isn’t easy. I may sound naive and far too optimistic, for I have yet to face a teenager in my home. But I am confident in Christ. I am confident in the Lord. I am confident that no trial I face is too much for myself, let alone my God.
It’s exhausting when others only make jokes rather than rejoice with us. And I know jokes; look at the man I married. I am going to bring a precious boy or girl into this world in the hopes that he/she will learn of the glory of God. Not just so I have well-mannered, respectable adults someday who can take care of me when I’m old. I want boys (and maybe even a girl) that brings honor and glory to Jesus. That’s it. I don’t care about anything else. And yes, three children three and under does seem like a lot. And yes, I will struggle day in and day out to be present, to love them like Jesus, and to show them what the Gospel looks like. And maybe there isn’t anything else to say to that but “Well, it is your own fault, you know.” But I pray you don’t just see my boys as little kids who need their butts wiped and will someday smell bad as teenage boys. No, they can be ambassadors for the Kingdom. They can be heirs to the throne of Christ. They can be the ones to bring the Gospel to all nations.
My hope is to point them to Jesus, help deliver them to Jesus, so they may do the same for others. And if I can’t do it, I pray someone can. And if I find that they turn away from the God I love, I will always pray, hope, and love. Always love. Being or becoming a parent isn’t about just having kids, disciplining, and having fun occasionally. Or complaining about all the money they cost us or the time we have to spend taking care of them. It’s about love. Making disciples. I could care less about the money or the time. My time is theirs. My money is theirs. My love is theirs.
So yes, I am having a baby. And maybe I will have another. But wouldn’t it be glorious, glorious!, if these sweet babies bring glory and honor to Christ? Wouldn’t it be majestic if God works in their lives to show others the love of our Savior? And wouldn’t it make all the difference in the world if we stopped seeing these precious souls as only tiny people we have to care for, but rather, incredibly important people who could one day carry forth the Gospel? This isn’t just another baby. Another mouth to feed. Another kid to send to college. Another hindrance in my hopes for retirement savings. No. This is another heart I hope to win for Christ. My love is yours, sweet baby. I hope you see Jesus in it, too.