The past couple of months have been real. Not that my life is make-believe, but my days have felt meaningful. Sometimes I get sidetracked by my kids or whatever spot on my carpet I need to clean, but recently, I feel the sparks of purpose and value. It’s been wholesome. Enlightening.
I think back on the me of 2013-2014, and I sigh a little. She didn’t have much interest in making friends. In being with other women, if only to be amongst other women. I had friends. But I didn’t have the people I really needed to spur growth. To challenge me. To be vulnerable with. It doesn’t matter who you are, you need people. People give you a chance to find yourself.
So recently, that has felt easier. I feel less afraid. And I like that I’ve found that in me. But look, I want to talk about you. Not for the sake of talking “about” you, or even for the sake of pointing out “you”. I want to talk to you, for you, because girl, you gotta listen. You gotta see it too.
It isn’t that I know fully who I am. It really isn’t that I know exactly what I am supposed to do with my years on this earth. It isn’t that I have a perfect plan, an idea to follow, or even the perfect sound advice that will give you “sparks of purpose and value…wholesome…enlightening.” (Refer to my first paragraph.) What is for me, it isn’t for you. What IS for you? Good things. Glorious things. Whatever your thing is, God created you just for it. Whether you know your purpose, your next 20 years, or even the next 5 minutes, whatever it is, it is good because God has said so Himself. He says that about you. He said it when He made you. He said it this morning when your eyes opened at the sound of your alarm clock or your kids rummaging through the pantry for breakfast. He smiled upon you, loved/s you, and thinks you are a good thing. You are good.
And quit this whole second-guessing thing. I’m guilty too. I’m often second-guessing the food I bought for my family at the grocery store. (My kids just love chicken nuggets the most.) But God doesn’t second-guess me. He looks at me, and He, in all of His perfection, thinks I am worthy of His love. So living confident in it? I have to. Living confident in His good, perfect, encompassing love can mean making a choice and being confident in it too. It doesn’t mean I am the smartest, the best at making decisions, confident because I look good, worthy of happiness. It means He is good, the best, and my joy. I can confidently walk the earth because I have a God who created a universe, came to the earth for me, and gave up everything to make sure I could have an eternity with Him. Why the lack of confidence? Because the world is mean, I don’t look good enough, I’m the wrong kind of Christian, I said something stupid, someone might think I meant this when I actually meant that…? Quit it. Know your King. Know you’re worth it. And know that pleasing the world isn’t worth it.
Get real with your friends. Ask for prayer when your day sucks, your kids hate you, or you think you might throw up because you made a stupid decision. Tell your ladies that you need them. Tell them you love them. Ask them how their day was. Skip over the wondering if this all too awkward, if friends are really worth it, if asking for prayer will only make people think you’re needy. Girl. You are needy of God. And if you think that’s worth hiding, you gotta realize that it’s the realest thing you can share with your friends. We need each other. We don’t need to impress each other.
Look fear in the face. And be afraid. And then let God do His thing that He does so well: Let Him be your courage. Peace. Value. Confidence. Fear will slip through the cracks. You don’t have to live with it; it’s the worst roommate.
Listen, girl. You are good. You can be confident that you are. And find some friends that you can be real and confident and good in the Lord with. Don’t let fear be your closest friend. Know you’re good. He says so.