I used to play a lot of soccer back in my day. And by that, I mean I played soccer pretty seriously in middle school. I wasn’t too bad, you know, not exactly the star player by any means. But I really loved it. I planned to play throughout high school, too, but I gave up on that soon after I began summer training the summer before my freshman year of high school. I remember my dad sitting me down and talking to me about quitting, that I shouldn’t just quit something “just because”. Which makes sense, you know? He cared and still cares a lot about my well-being, something that I am grateful for a tenfold.
This week has been trying, at best. Evan & I are pushing headlong into this dream we have, and my knees are shaking.
What’s our story? What’s really so trying about this?
We’re starting a freelance graphic design business from the ground up, from the small office in our three bedroom home, from experience that we don’t really have. We are jumping off a cliff and literally free-falling into whatever in the heck is about to happen. The month of June and the first week of July is planned out for us financially, and we can make a lot of headway in that time. We also have a vacation planned for that first week of July, at a time when I am certain we should be home busting our butts, saving our money, and pushing & pushing until we have a better sense of whatever this all is. But I also know that God, in His perfect ways, has that vacation waiting for us so that we can rest for a bit. I’m trying not to think about it too much. I’m trying to push into Jesus instead of pushing Him away.
But after that, after a few weeks of first starting this business thing, after a week away, we don’t know what will happen. The money isn’t there. The clients aren’t there. The plan? I don’t even know what it is yet. See why my knees are shaking? I have considered running back to our old comfortable life, but that isn’t there anymore. There isn’t much to fall back on at this point. Except Jesus. A whole lot of Jesus. And grace. Buckets & buckets of grace.
Years ago, when my dad sat me down and told me that I shouldn’t quit just for any reason, but for a good one…I can’t think of any reason to quit today. I am squirming in my seat, in these chairs that we’ve decided to sit in that are labeled Small Business Owners, Entrepreneurs, Crazy People….And although this is tough, I am struggling to praise God, I am waiting for an escape route…I just can’t think of any reason to not praise God, to escape, or to go back to the comfortable chairs of our past.
Readers, friends…today is a good day to pray along with us. We are slightly crazy. Some thoughts that are going through my mind are just too much to share (partly because I really do sound insane & partly because they should really be kept in my head). But this whole “Let’s start a business. No really, let’s do it” is filled to the brim and overflowing abundantly with Jesus. What’s even more insane? We are pressing into Jesus & trusting Him today more than we ever have, ever. We are finding real joy in this really crazy idea. And we are knees-shaking, wide-eyed people in the face of a free-fall into something really awesome. How do I know? I don’t. All I know is we have Jesus. And buckets & buckets of grace. And new chairs. Really uncomfortable new chairs that need some breaking in.