The Hidden Word

When I was younger, I would find random Bible verses in the Bible, write them down on a piece of paper, and tape it to my bedroom wall. I remember writing with red ink, using fancy scissors that cut in patterns to cut them out, and continued to never actually look at the verse again once I put it up on the wall. I wanted the Word to be all over the place.

This fall, Evan & I are teaching our 7th & 8th grade class a different Bible verse each week for them to memorize. We’re trying to instill the wisdom that hiding the Word of God in our hearts is a strong, worthy thing to do. It is a double-edged sword, and having it in our minds and hearts is like no other weapon against evil; it slices through it like butter.

Reading my Bible comes and goes in seasons. Sometimes it comes so naturally and easily that getting to my Bible each day is easy. I don’t push it off. I don’t struggle to hear the words and hide them in my soul. Other times I get to the Bible and wonder what the heck I’m even doing. The evil one knows how to make doubt an easy reason to ignore the verses, so he uses it against me. And sometimes the circumstances of my day become these giants that fight my intention for making every day for God’s glory.

Friends, whatever way you make it to the Word doesn’t matter, just as long as you get there. Find what you need to get the Word in your soul and hide it there. On days when getting the Word feels like a battle, you can remind yourself that it is the two-edged sword that God so promised, alive and active (Hebrews 4:12). You can give yourself grace because nothing in this world can separate you from the love of God, even if you’re struggling (Romans 8:38-39). You can know that your King is the king He said he is. We read His Word to be filled to the brim with the knowledge of His great and endless promises.

I’ve recently had the opportunity to use an Alphabet of Praise Scripture Card set from Scriptionery that has brought such a great dynamic to my daily study of the Word. It’s a set of praises organized by the letters of the alphabet found in scripture. I use them to remind myself of why I praise God, reasons for praising Him regardless of myself, and giving myself room to remember to praise Him, which is crucial when I spend a lot of time praying for myself and others. Plus they’re beautiful to look at!

I’m also excited to begin using the A to Z Scripture Memory Cards, not just for me, but also for my oldest son. It’s an invaluable resource that will serve us well in the years to come.

If you’re worried that you’re not doing enough to read the Bible, today is the perfect day to start. You don’t have to have everything figured out for the Bible to apply to you. You don’t even have to “study” it. Just read it, friend! It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it (Isaiah 55:11). 

 

Use code SoulStrings2016 for free shipping on all your orders from Scriptionery now until the end of the year!

First Day of School

This week, it happens. The first day of school thing.

I’ve been excited for my son for weeks, up until last week when it became real, and we got to see his class. Part of me wanted to run with him and his little brother out the door. The other part of me committed immediately to never ever sending him to school ever. I didn’t want this to be his class, his teacher, his place to grow up a little more. At least once a day, I touch his face and look into his big blue eyes and smile to myself as I wonder, How is this my firstborn son?

I’ve prayed a lot for this moment. Writing about it felt easy. Just let them go. We teach them so they can learn to fly on their own. But saying it is so much easier than following through. He’s about to do this big, brave thing, and I’m about to watch him go, and I’m holding back a lot of tears here. A lot of memories are far too close to the surface that are threatening to overtake the smile I want to plaster on my face.

But this week, it happens.

God consistently finds ways to remind me of a truth that I didn’t know quite so well even five years ago. I don’t have to be prepared for what is coming for it to arrive. I don’t have to have a real, overjoyed “Go, honey!” attitude or smile on my face while I send my firstborn son to school. It doesn’t mean I’m not filled with joy. It doesn’t mean I’m not excited for what it is to come. It just means I can live in reality, and reality means that sending my son to preschool has made me cry, because I remember him as a baby. I remember holding that little boy and teaching him to run. And somehow, we’ve arrived at the moment where I’m suppose to let him fly. It makes me want to praise God for everything that He has given me, yet weep for the time that is too quick to pass.

Motherhood is so raw and sanctifying. I remember when Liam was born, and I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that I had pushed an 8 lb baby boy into the world and into the arms of so many people we loved. I remember the first few nights of being a mom for the first time and thinking I was not fit for it. I was not going to survive, probably, and if I did, it would be by a miracle I could not produce. And then we did, and it was like fear had a lesser meaning. Liam taught me so much in so little time. That’s what motherhood does to you.

We have arrived here. I have this boy who is smart and inquisitive, quick to build incredible space ships with Legos and giggles whenever daddy chases him. He leads his brothers with confidence and the surefire attitude of a firstborn. He loves his brothers. He teaches them when I’m not around, and he fights with them just as much. But I am so proud that I get to be his mom. I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything.

I get to watch him fly this week. And if you see me, I’ll be trying to smile, but probably failing because I’ll really be trying not to cry my eyes out. It’s because I’m just so proud of my son.

Liam, fly high and go far. I can’t wait to hear of the adventures waiting for you.

Little Shadow

My littlest is a little over a year old. (I honestly hate trying to count the months exactly, I iust know he’s not 18 months yet, but he wears size 24 mo/2T clothes, so I don’t know. He’s age large.) He’s also proven to have a little bit of a temper and tantrums hidden up his sleeve. He’s a screamer. He is also the baby, so all of the above seems to happen much more frequently.

Today he follows me closely. I don’t always notice his feet scurrying behind mine until I turn around and crash right into him. He grabs my legs and pulls up so I can snatch him up in my arms. He is my big baby boy, who isn’t so much a baby. I’m still trying to figure him out; what his personality will be like, how to tame those tantrums, what his little noises mean. And sometime I stare at the picture we have of him on our wall where he was so little and squishy and deliciously happy and think, How? How is this my baby now?

I am always asked if we’re done having kids in small talk. I wish I could put a projector in my brain and show you everything that happens when I try to formulate an answer. I’ve never felt more sure of a calling than the one to have children, so deciding to just stop because three is a normal, healthy number? It’s difficult. I get squirmy. As in, how can I squirm my way out of answering this without saying we’re absolutely going to have more?

I don’t care. That feels like the right answer.

I care about having children and babies and having all that love. But I don’t care to give answers about how many or when to stop. I care about making sure we’re responsible. But I also don’t care about the how’s. As in, how will we ever have space? How will we have the money? How will we adjust? And why would we? I don’t know, and I’m okay with not knowing. I don’t care to know answers because God already knows. I willingly shove it in His palms and say, Yes Jesus. You know. You control. Whatever brings you glory. 

I like this season now. I like that my little shadow, aka my youngest son, follows me and wants me to guide him by holding his hand as we walk through the house. I like not knowing what the whole of our lives holds because I like this, right now. The caring of these boys. It is simple in its chaos.

He sits with me now as I write. He just wants to be close and snuggle a little before he goes to make the next mess.

In short, maybe I’ll just open this post on my phone next time people ask, Are you done having kids? and hand it to them while I chase after big/little Finn as he takes on the next adventure. When I know for sure, I’m sure I’ll answer more confidently and give you all the sound advice I have on what it’s like to have children.

But for now, walking around my house, feeling my shadow in my wake, staring at photos of my baby who just isn’t anymore…This season feels like glimpses of heaven all over the place.

Letters to Your People

I don’t know how many marriage advice videos, sermons, or books I have to read before I truly understand this statement:  Your husband cannot read your mind. As in, if you want something, most times, he isn’t going to just know. And dang it, I want him to know without me moving an inch, before I open my mouth to speak, and before I even know what I actually want. I know. I’m working on it.

This concept actually spills into most of my relationships, it just manifests itself in a harsher way in my marriage. It took me some time to realize that you just gotta talk. Communicate. When you appreciate something, tell someone. When you have a problem, discuss it. When you want someone to understand, explain. When you want someone to read your mind and know what you want, tell them. (Hint, they will never read your mind.)

It’s hard to discuss the hard things, like when there’s conflict or when someone is hurt. You know what can be harder? Telling someone just how much you appreciate them. That you care. That you think their lipstick looks great. That you believe in them. Once I warmed up to the idea of how much joy it brings to tell people how much they matter, how great they look, or how much of a blessing they are, it gets easier. It becomes important, to care about people so much that you have to tell them. It makes the Gospel alive.

One of my favorite ways to love people well is to write letters or notes to tell them how much they care. In high school, I used college-ruled notebook paper, but these days I’ve stepped it up a bit.

I’m really excited to share about Scriptionery, a scripture stationery company. Yvette, the company’s co-owner, reached out to me a few weeks ago on a whim, and after exchanging a few emails, I quickly realized just how much our stories were alike.

I’ve been using their beautiful stationery to write letters to some important women in my life because 1. Who doesn’t love a letter? and 2. Who doesn’t love to look at a letter on beautiful stationery? Their Psalm 23:1,2 and Colossians 3:14 stationery are some that I almost want to frame and hang on my walls. But, I’ve got people to love. Letters to write. So, they find themselves in more important hands than my own.

If you’re looking for some new stationery (or maybe a new piece of art for your walls), head over to their website and look at their work. Yvette was such a joy to work with, and I couldn’t recommend them more highly.

In the meantime, don’t withhold your words when they can be life-giving. Tell your mama friend that she is a good stinkin’ mom and that she is brave. Tell your dad that you’re grateful he’s your dad. Tell your pastor that he and his family are prayed for. Tell that girl in the checkout line that her lipstick color looks amazing. Tell your friend just how mighty the Lord is in her.

Write your letters. Let’s litter this world with a lot more joy than we came with.

Not So Quiet

Can we talk for a minute? Just me and you, the reader. As if the whole Internet isn’t watching.

I came across an article yesterday that made my heart ache. It was so beautifully and painfully written that I wanted to hug the author at the end. And I also wanted to grab her face in my hands and say, “I wish you knew just how much you are so loved.”

Our world is a crazy one, although, I would argue that every generation before us has said the same. You may argue that we have come so far in so many ways, and I would agree. This isn’t the 50s. Heck, this is not even the 2000s. We have arrived at a time where there is daily dialogue, openly, of the trial it is to be a woman in this country, right now. Women have seized the opportunity to get loud in their corners and say no when they want to say no. Women have arrived, some would say.

And I love that.

Some people think they were meant for a different time or era, but not me. This one is just right for me.

I was raised to not be so quiet. My mom, even if she didn’t say it straight to me, taught me to be strong, confident, bold, and unafraid to speak what’s on my mind. Have I always? No. But my family gave me that permission. As a writer, it gave me some hefty wings, and I am always grateful for it.

I read an article yesterday that came from a woman who was angry for men telling her what it was like to be her. Exhausted from thinking she needed to be a 24-hour woman, she felt required to be a woman who goes to work, comes home and makes dinner, and even finds the time to give her husband her all once the kids are in bed. Women are being told what to do with their bodies by the government, that they aren’t worth the same paycheck as a man, that we all should be drinking wine to deal. And she wasn’t having it.

I don’t even want to get into details. It’s too heavy, to take that route. I want to grab that woman’s face and tell her what makes us free. But before I do, I’ll give everyone the background they need so they can yell at me for being ill-equipped to talk about this.

I am a woman who stays home with my children every day, all day, every year. I don’t make any money by doing this, and I don’t go out of my way to find work. I have enough to do here, for right now. I wake up every morning to feed my children, take care of their every need throughout the day, while simultaneously writing for my self-titled blog and cleaning up spilled water for the tenth time. I do everything there is to be done that my husband does not do, which is a lot, but also not too much. I am always the cook, the first one to hear someone cry in the night, and the one to take care of bills every week. I am not single, in the workforce, around men consistently (except for the four I see all day), or drinking wine every day to deal.

But here’s what I want to say to her, the woman who is in that place, the woman who is not me, and the woman who sits in front of her screen reading this:

You are not defined by whatever you do. You are not defined by what men think of you. You are not too small, you are not too cute, and you are not ill-equipped.

But the hustle isn’t worth it. Fight for you rights in a company, but your life will not be fulfilled because you climbed a ladder and broke a glass ceiling and told a man what you think of him. You fight for your place in this world, and this world will only hiss back at you and call you every name you wish never existed.

I know what Jesus says of me. And it matters. GIRL, it matters. Shut up those other voices, those other men who you think have valid words. Shut up those other women who are in your head who define who they think you are. Jesus said that if we belonged to this world, the world would love us. BUT WE DON’T. We don’t belong here. We belong with a King who let His blood puddle on the earth because He loved you a heck of a lot more than any man or woman on this earth ever could. That’s why you’re so hated. That’s why you feel like you’re less than. It’s because the world hated Him first.

It is valid and needed to stand in hard places and be women, uniquely ourselves, where others think a man would do a better job. Discern where that’s needed. Don’t grow taller and shout your opinions just to hear your own voice. Shut up for a minute and listen.

You have arrived already. You are valuable and good right now. Stand where you need to stand. Be who you need to be, because it matters. There is a reason that God created women like me, women like her, and women like you. He didn’t make you just for a showpiece. He made you because you have a world to shake.

Together

Over the weekend, I had the great opportunity to go to the Belong Tour with my friend Sara. We have 5.5 boys between the both of us, so getting a 36-hour trip away was a little bit (nope, a lot a bit) of a dream.

I’ve written about Sara in the past, and I do so because we’re truly running our races right next to each other.

Conferences are so good for the soul, and they ignite fires where they have burnt out. It was an opportunity for us to be fed. We were there to receive the wisdom of authors and speakers who have gone before us and worked the hard work. Women who have gone down the paths Sara & I seem to find ourselves heading towards. Women who want to pour into other women.

We learned to acknowledge that God has not created throwaway qualities within us. We learned to stop minimizing what we’re good at. We learned we’re not in charge of success or outcomes, but we’re in charge of our obedience. And we learned to run in our lanes, the ones God has for us. And Sara & I learned we’re running in our lanes side by side.

I think often of how I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, the Prize. Not looking to the right or to the left, ignoring what everyone else is doing. I think so much on it, that I consider hunkering down, putting on blinders, drowning out everyone else so I can see Him better. But then I miss the people around me, the people who are running their lanes right beside me. It doesn’t mean comparing myself to them. It doesn’t mean running out of my lane to join in theirs.

I think running in my lane without anyone around would be difficult. It would be a lonely race. But running in my lane with all the people I know who are running in lanes just like me, right beside me? It’s like running with a cheering squad. There is motivation in seeing the people who have such similar callings running hard, fast, strong, full of faith. Truthfully, it doesn’t mean comparison disappears. But that’s why we stay in our lanes, that’s why the vision of glory with Jesus must remain the goal. When we focus too long on watching those around us, we lose it. So we stay in our lane, we fix our eyes again, we run together hard, fast, strong, full of faith, and see the glory waiting for us.

I am grateful for women who pour out what they know and have seen into women who are hungry for the wisdom. I am grateful for the people around me who are running in lanes just like mine. I am grateful life is sweeter because people like these are on my team.

All About My Yoga Practice

At the beginning of 2016, I set a goal to do yoga on a consistent basis. As a mom of three, I wasn’t sure how I was going to navigate it, but I wanted to at least try. And if I hated it, then I hated it.

But I loved it. Still love it.

I’m not a fanatic. The past few months I haven’t been practicing as regularly, in fact. But it has truly changed aspects of my life. Which sounds weird, doesn’t it? Yoga changed your life? Are you a hippie, Janelle?

I mean, not yet anyway. I’m not eating a clean diet either, if that makes you feel better.

I want to share with you all the what, the why, the how’s of yoga for me. I’ve had a lot of people ask me about it, say something to me about, or ask me to be their teacher (you know who you are), and can I just say, all the praise hands for that. Dare I say I have a passion for yoga? Yup. It’s there. Like a little campfire in my soul.

So, we’ve touched on some of these topics in the past, but I think it’s worth it to go over them again. Ready? Let’s do this.

What is yoga?

Well, I’m not positive on that definition, but here’s what the internet says:

a Hindu spiritual and ascetic discipline, a part of which, including breath control, simple meditation, and the adoption of specific bodily postures, is widely practiced for health and relaxation.

I know, that “Hindu” word has got you freaking out a little. So let me help you out. While I do yoga, I am not engaging in Hinduism. Yoga has definitely modernized and changed with the times. In fact, there is one yoga ministry (Holy Yoga) I know of that devote their practices to glorifying Jesus. Just because one does yoga does not mean one is a heathen. Untwist your panties.

For me, yoga is connecting my mind to my body. For the past five years, I have spent almost all of my time nourishing myself for two. I had developed habits that we were good for a pregnant and breastfeeding mother. But as a mom who was now neither of those things, I felt like I didn’t know how to eat, work out, or know what my body was actually doing. Pregnancy does that to you.

Why yoga?

Not only was I eating poorly, but my body was not bouncing back after having a baby. I am lucky to have genetics that have blessed me with a body that rebounds rather quickly, but I felt like I didn’t know my body. Physically, things are different, obviously, but I didn’t know how strong or weak I was. My core felt like a hot mess. And the motivation for working out to fix it? Absolutely not there. I tried running, and hated that with a passion. I tried exercises I could do at home, but I felt like I was getting no where. So I bought a yoga mat clearanced for $8 and decided I had to give it a shot. The idea of being able to do a headstand was what intrigued me. Before I started yoga, I couldn’t do a single push up without struggling.

What does your practice look like?

I initially began by looking at articles on the internet that showed pictures of other people doing yoga. I did yoga for a brief time in middle school, so I was hoping I could do poses from memory. Wrong. Don’t try that.

I had an epiphany one day to look on YouTube. I chose a beginner video, and spent most of the time trying to get into poses, getting out of the poses to look at the video, and then trying the pose again. I spent the first few weeks doing the same few videos every other day, focusing on how a pose works, what it should feel like, and how to get in and out of it. As a beginner, I relied heavily on patience to get me through the learning process. It helped that I watched videos done by Candace, a great instructor. She describes poses so clearly, as well as what the body should be feeling in the pose.

I would do the same two or three videos a week, every week, for about a month. Once those flows felt “easy” or got boring for me, I moved on to a new video. I wasn’t necessarily “good” at yoga. It took me about 6 weeks into doing yoga consistently that I realized when in Upward Dog, you aren’t supposed to just leave your legs on the floor. (It was such an easy pose up until that point!) I was doing a lot of learning, which meant getting to know these muscles that I forgot I had or didn’t know were there in the first place.

I now practice at least every other day with a thirty minute or longer video. And if I’m feeling really good, I practice every day with the hopes of nailing a pose I’ve been struggling with.

There are endless articles on the internet that will proclaim the benefits of yoga on the body and mind. I can only tell you exactly what it’s done for me.

When I began, I couldn’t do a push up well, if at all. Today I don’t struggle. I even incorporate them sometimes in my practice. I also have balance that I didn’t have before. When my practice is lacking and I haven’t done anything for three days (and it’s always on the third day), my back starts to hurt. I never had back issues in the past, but I do know that yoga has largely increased my flexibility. My back tends to tense up when I haven’t been stretching it.

I can now get into a headstand without the help of a wall or my husband. It took eight months of solid work! Eight months! It’s slow and steady. But the results show when it becomes part of your routine. There are certain poses that I still cannot do, but the fact that I have the challenge to get there really gets me excited, another thing I love about yoga. It takes work to get there, but hitting a headstand for the first time made me feel like superwoman. I don’t have a six pack. But I can keep up with my boys now better than before. I’ve seen results from putting in the effort to put myself first.

But how? How do you do this?

I make room for it. I put my boys to bed and roll out my yoga mat around 8:30 and get to work. I choose it. Maybe it isn’t for you, and that’s okay! Yoga makes me feel like a kid, makes me feel like I am getting stronger every day, and makes me excited to keep challenging myself farther every day. I do it because I love it. Do what you love, right?

Here are the videos I did to help get acquainted with yoga:

15 Minute Morning Yoga to Wake Up

20 Minute Yoga Flow for Beginners

20 Minute Total Body Beginner Flow

15 Minute Chill Out Restorative Yoga Video

Here are the videos I’m currently loving:

30 Minute Power Yoga – Heart Opening Practice

30 Minute Creative Power Yoga Flow

45 Minute Yoga Video for Strength