Palms Up

“Ask nothing unless you ask your own heart how much love it holds for Me.”

Shouldn’t this change just about everything about the way we live our life?

Don’t ask for a single thing unless that one thing loves God.

A few weeks ago I began spring cleaning my house (and I still haven’t finished, but I’m just considering this an extended break..) and I was floored by all the stuff we had.Continue reading “Palms Up”

Fields of Prayer

I’ve recently been taking the time to pray more intentionally for other people. Like, more than the, “I will be praying for you!” line that is delivered to every Christian in America at least five times in their life. That doesn’t mean that I’m making a list, checking it twice, and crossing off names as prayers have been prayed. But really praying, listening to the heart of God, and offering up whatever there is to offer.

Continue reading “Fields of Prayer”

Try It. It’s Worth It.

This year started with some crazy ideas.

One, starting a new blog (this one!) to replace my old one. I like this place I’ve made here.

Two, connecting with other women. Whether it be through a discipleship/small group or just being intentional about relationships. Lately (as in, the last few years), I have  been super lame about being intentional with people, especially women. And ladies, I need you all real real bad. Now that I am surrounded by boys and their boy-ness, it is essential that I get some face-to-face, talk-to-me-about-makeup, where’d-you-get-that-shirt conversation. Plus some good God-filled conversation mixed in there. But seriously, making that a goal has changed so many things about my days! My two best friends moved to different places over the last five years, and once those deep-rooted friendships weren’t right at my doorstep, I realized how rusty I was at intentionally investing in others besides the ones I was already so invested in! Try it. It’s worth it.

Three, working out. Okay, so this has been a goal for probably three years. I figured, “Hey, one more baby can’t change my body that much.” Wrong. Of course, things will never ever be the same, but that’s really not the point. Having kids is the best excuse for not caring for myself like I should, in a myriad of ways. But I read from another great blogger about how important it is for me, as a mom of boys, to be strong. Not so I can lift weights and run for 30 miles, but so that I can keep up with my boys as they run circles around our home, climb up trees, and keep me on my toes. They will be rowdy, and when that day comes, I surely don’t want to be left sitting on the couch munching on potato chips and watching. Add in the important fact that this body, which has been strong enough & capable of carrying two little boys, should be taken care of because I want to be there for them for as long as possible.

It’s about being healthy to be present. I think that’s become my own motivation over the past five months for nearly every part of life:  to realize that I cannot do for others if I don’t also do for myself. Be healthy to be present. Feed yourself to feed others. Try it. It’s worth it.

 

Remember Your Creator

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I adore long weekends with my family. It reminds me of being in school, having summers off, and not having an agenda. We stay up later, we are more spontaneous, we leave the TV off. Time is no object. Joy is ever-present. Laughter is abundant.

I’m currently reading through & finishing up Ecclesiastes this week, and although I have gotten lots & lots of provoking stuff out of it, one part of a sentence stuck out to me today in chapter 12:  Remember your Creator.

We go through some thick junk that leaves me feeling exhausted and unmotivated. I use most of my energy trying to sustain a positive demeanor, but guys, that’s exhausting.

Remember your Creator.

Not only does God wish to satisfy the desire of our hearts, He longs for us to speak them out to Him, to call out to Him, and to have a relationship with Him. It isn’t enough for us to only rely on His supernatural power to know us. We must humble ourselves a bit and ask, submit to His power & ability, and act in a way that glorifies His all-knowing love. We must trust Him, knowing that when we slump over to depend on Him, He will not fail. We must remember our Creator.

This weekend: so necessary. I needed a weekend to recover from an exhausting, draining week of “what-ifs” and “how comes”. It was the perfect opportunity to witness firsthand the tremendous amount of joy that comes from my boys & my husband. Not from money. Not from jobs. Not from the comfort of a challenge-less life. I am thinking a bit about the chaos that may hit us soon, but I’m also prompted to remember my Creator. He knows me, and He wants to hear from me. So I’m speaking a lot to Him today about my hopes, my dreams, and my worries. He will draw me closer. He will wrap me up. Time is no object. Joy is ever-present. Laughter is abundant. It reminds me that His agenda is enough.

A Moment

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I talk a lot about my boys here. I dive into some details about my marriage. I get real with you about my life stuff, the stuff that sucks, the stuff that brings joy.

I am in the thick of a moment.

You know the feeling as you’re going up a roller coaster, the first hill approaches, and you slowly descend over the peak? That feeling right before pure adrenaline & wind hits your face? I feel that today. The potential for this day, for this whatever that is coming for us. As this all descends on me, the knowledge that something great is coming our way, I feel either panic or adrenaline. Will my husband have a job soon? Will it be the job? Will we need to start a freelance business? Am I going crazy? Is this really going to rock my world like I think it is (in all these weirdly fantastic ways)? Lots of questions, little answers; lots of waiting, little time.

But this. This moment. For this is only a moment, a moment thick with the potential for Jesus’ great Love to overflow. I want to take this moment back from the evil one, for he has stolen far too many of these from me.

Kneeling, Wondering, Deserving

Friday afternoon, I knelt on my bathroom floor, hands on the bathtub, praying. You know when things happen…and they happen in all the ways you wouldn’t prefer? Friday was that day.

I was sick for a few days prior to that afternoon, I hadn’t slept a whole lot, and I hadn’t had much of a conversation with my husband that week. But he had called me that day to let me know that his boss had just informed him he would probably be losing his job in the next few weeks.

Instantly, I went through every scenario in my head. Every bad scenario. The worst of the worst. Before I knew it, I was convincing myself that we could live off of the smallest amount of food we could afford. We could sell some furniture. We could be hermits in our home, using the electricity only when necessary, forgetting about the air conditioner, and just being minimalist, frugal people. I regretted every dollar I spent in the last few weeks, every tiny bit that was “luxuriously” spent on little things like a big red ball for my son, a little drink from Starbucks for myself, or the meal we decided to go out and enjoy at a restaurant rather than at home.

You know when things happen in all the ways that seem to be the wrong ways? I thought that Friday was that day. I was certain that the week leading up to it was just a monstrosity of unfortunate events. A week full of moments to be discouraged, upset, and down-trodden. I was convinced that although this was a moment to show my brave face, I could not muster it. I was on my knees, hiding from my kids, crying on the bathroom floor, wondering, Jesus what did we do to deserve this?

I don’t know what’s coming for us. I don’t know much of anything, but when have I ever? And it occurs to me often, since the other day, that this isn’t a burden. This isn’t a problem. What did we do to deserve this? Nothing. But why not us? And we certainly wouldn’t want it for anyone else, so why not us?

These moments, when the world around us seems to be shaking and shifting, crumbling and falling, are catalytic times that will most likely change the course of our life. Maybe not drastically, maybe only subtly. This moment when we don’t have a clue is the perfect moment to cling to what we do know. Grace has carried me this far. Grace has not left me. Grace will continue to sustain me. The Lord grants me a breath every moment that I live, not the other way around. Why not us?

Consider what God has done:
Who can straighten
    what he has made crooked?
When times are good, be happy;
    but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
    as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
    anything about their future.
Ecclesiastes 7:13-14

Few Words

 

I’m just going to be real honest with y’all and get down to the nitty gritty.

I’ve got a lot on my heart today that’s keeping me from seeing how good God is. Discouragement is a strong force, and it can pummel even the strongest of souls. I have a lot of words I could say, but I’ll leave with this:

Do not be too hasty to speak your mind before God or too quick to make promises you won’t keep, for God is in heaven and you are on earth.
Therefore, watch your tongue; let your words be few.
 For just as busyness breeds restless dreams, so wordiness reveals the voice of a fool.
Ecclesiastes 5:2-3

Some days, the only thing that God needs from us is a posture of openness & willingness to listen.

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Mother’s Day with matching shirts.